Apple’s AI: A Magical Adventure or Just a Fancy Placebo?

Summary

So, Apple decided to take its sweet time with AI, like a kid eyeing the dessert table before dinner. We all thought they’d conjure some magical pixie dust and redefine AI—after all, they’ve done it with countless apps and features before. But guess what? Apple Intelligence has, shockingly, turned out to be as groundbreaking as a soggy croissant. Sure, it’s streamlined some tasks, but let’s be honest: it’s still just a fancy calculator with more “oomph.” At Monday’s “Glowtime” event (seriously, what’s with the name?), Tim Cook giggled about its “breakthrough capabilities,” claiming they’d have a jaw-dropping impact. And Craig Federighi chimed in, suggesting it would “transform” your iPhone experience. And what are these miraculous capabilities, you ask? Hold onto your hats: – It can rephrase text snippets (a.k.a. the classic remix). – It summarizes emails and messages (because reading is for suckers). – It generates fake emoji and clip art (bonus points for creativity!). – It identifies pictures of people, locations, and events (like your mom at a family reunion). – And of course, it can look up stuff (thanks, Google, we owe you one!). Now, let’s take a moment to consider if any of this sounds like a breakthrough. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t. There’s a smorgasbord of writing assistants out there, summary tools are in every LLM worth its salt, and generative art is just a fancy way of saying, “I took a shortcut.” Sure, everything’s now as low-key fancy as a gold-plated toilet, offering local and private processes, which is a win for privacy (or at least, for those who want to avoid the prying eyes of nosy relatives). And if you need a helping hand in navigating a screen, cool—there’s a silver lining. But none of this is anything new or eye-watering. What’s more perplexing is that the newest iPhone, touted as “built from the ground up for Apple Intelligence,” won’t even launch with those dazzling capabilities. It’s like ordering an extravagant dessert that takes three months to arrive—talk about a letdown! Is this a failure of imagination, or are they just waiting for robots to take over the world? Meanwhile, AI companies have started to reposition their wares as yet another corporate gadget, rather than the glittering treasure trove we always dreamt they’d be. There’s a funny little twist going on: the more commonplace AI becomes, the more outrageous the sales pitches get. Who knew objectivity could be added with a side of sarcasm? Apple’s recent event was about as thrilling as watching paint dry, but oh boy, did they whip out the declaration of grandeur! In the end, Apple is playing a game of pretend, making believe their technology is revolutionary when, deep down, they know it’s about as exciting as a trip to the dentist. Sure, AI might revolutionize certain fields—like finding Waldo in a crowded beach scene—but if you take a look at what they’ve rolled out, it’s like watching the same rerun for the hundredth time! So, I guess we’ll have to hold off on the champagne for AI’s long-awaited “iPhone moment.” Until then, let’s raise a toast to mediocre progress—here’s to new features that don’t do much that’s actually useful!

Original Source: techcrunch.com